plenty of fish - online dating

Nice Guys, Great Personalities, and Internet Dating

?You're a real nice guy, but...?

?Listen, you've got a great personality, but...?

Many of us have used, or been subjected to, these or phrases like these at some point in our dating lives. They are an inventive use of the English language because, while they do an amazing impression of a complimentary statement, the truth is nothing could be more insulting and/or rude.

And why is that?

Don't all the girls say they want a ?Nice Guy?? Don't the guys claim they want a girl with a ?Great Personality?? (You could, of course, substitute ?Great Sense of Humor here as well.)

In our search for serious relationships and real love, these would indeed seem like desirable qualities.

And yet...

We all know what these phrases really are. They mean we have a (probably shallow) reason not to date someone, and we think that somehow these phrases will soften our eventual expression of disinterest.

It never works.

Why?

Because we all know that deep down, even if we claim we're looking for a serious relationship, that no one really wants a Nice Guy or a Great Personality. Everyone wants the Bad Boys and the Hot Chicks. We're very shallow that way.

Maybe it's because we continue to try and convince ourselves that beneath the Bad Boy exterior is a Nice guy just trying to get out. We think we can find the Hot Chick who just needs a little encouragement to bring out their theoretical Great Personality.

Now in the midst of our search for a serious relationship we bring Internet dating into the mix and some interesting things begin to happen.

Which is to say that we're beginning to learn that serious relationships have to include more than our normal, somewhat shallow, desires and preferences.

The Internet dating game is making extensive use of online personality or psychological profiles lately. These tests, they claim, will help you along your journey toward serious relationships and lasting happiness. These tests can measure a lot about a person, including: emotional stability, romantic level, sexual compatibility, and social or moral values. But is there any way for these tests to measure future attraction?

People are paying loads of money on the assumption that it can. Upwards of fifty and sixty dollars a month in some cases.

But what are they paying for, really? These Internet dating sites that offer personality tests are built on the notion that they can find someone who will match up really well with you, someone who is ?just right for you?. In a way, we're paying them to find us a Nice Guy or a Great Personality. Someone who we can actually form a serious relationship with.

Sounds like a great idea.

And yet...

One only has to spend a little time in Internet dating forums to see how this is working out. It won't take long before you start finding complaints about how certain websites match a person to someone who may be emotionally, romantically, sexually, and morally compatible, but doesn't fit their idea of what makes a person ?attractive?. Surely, they say, somewhere in these millions of members there's someone out there who is drop dead gorgeous and happens to be my perfect match on a deeper level.

What can we learn from this? Aside from the idea that our shallow desires and preferences might be built in at a genetic level?

We can learn that these tests are great tools when we can do one of two things. First, when we can put aside our old and shallow notions and become serious about finding lasting, serious relationships, then these personality recommendations are the perfect way to meet the right person. Second, we don't have to give up all our hopes and dreams for the guy or girl that has it all. We just need to find the Internet dating sites that allow us to search for someone we find attractive and helps us learn how compatible we might be with that person. These tests are the perfect way to find real love and start down the road to a serious relationship.

In the ending, by using the right Internet dating site, you can find a Nice Guy or Great Personality, and you can even be assured that there will be some real chemistry thrown into the mix.

Andy Eliason is a writer for Main10. For more information on Internet dating and finding serious relationships check out http://heavenlymatched.com/serious_relationships/serious_relationship.html or http://heavenlymatched.com/.

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